How to Handle Being the Sober One in Social Situations

So, you're sober now. Or trying to be. And guess what? The world doesn't stop throwing social events at you. Weddings, graduations, barbecues, birthday parties, concerts, work functions—you name it. And they're all flooded with booze.

You walk into the room and immediately see that tray of colorful cocktails, or hear the familiar clink of beer bottles. Cue the internal monologue: "Oh, that looks good, I want one of those." Then comes the frustration: "I miss being able to enjoy a drink at a wedding like everyone else." And finally, the kicker: "Why can SHE sit there and slowly sip a beer, all normal and composed, and I can't?"

Welcome to the rollercoaster of temptation, frustration, and jealousy—a trifecta that loves to show up when you're trying to stay sober in a world that loves to drink. And what do we do with these emotions now that we're not numbing them? We feel them. And then we find a way to deal with them.

Tips For Staying Sober in Social Settings

1. Engage Your Social Support Bring someone with you who gets it. Whether they stay sober with you or are just on standby to help you leave if needed, having a support system can make all the difference. Sometimes just knowing you have a way out gives you the strength to stay.

2. Communicate Openly Talk to your people. Let a trusted friend or partner know you’re anxious about going to the brewery for that birthday party. Afterward, talk about how it went—what was hard, what was easier than expected. Honesty goes a long way.

3. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them Know what your limits are and don’t apologize for them. Be ready to say, "No thanks, I’m not drinking tonight," and have a few go-to responses if people ask why. You can be as vague or as honest as you like: "I’m focusing on my health" or "Just sticking to water tonight."

4. Have an Exit Strategy You don’t have to stay the whole time. Drive yourself, or have a ride lined up so you can leave if it gets too hard. Have a plan before you go, and don’t be afraid to use it.

5. Plan Something for the Next Morning Give yourself something to look forward to the next day—a hike, coffee with a friend, even just a slow morning with pancakes and a good book. It helps shift your focus from what you’re missing to what you’re gaining.

6. Find Friends Who Don’t Drink This one’s big. Find people who support your sobriety and actually enjoy spending time with the real you. Those are the friendships that matter.

7. Prepare for Questions and Reactions People will ask why you’re not drinking. Some will be supportive. Some will be nosy. Some will be judgmental or weirdly defensive. That’s on them, not you. Have a few responses ready and deliver them with confidence. "I'm taking a break from alcohol." "I'm in recovery and loving it." Or my personal favorite: "I like waking up without regrets."

Real Life: A Wedding Reception

Last October, I went to my cousin’s daughter’s wedding. The reception was beautiful—and we were seated RIGHT next to the bar. Every 30 seconds, someone passed a glass of wine, a cold beer, or a mixed drink across our table. I was tempted. I was irritated. I was jealous. And then I reminded myself: the day wasn’t about me.

But also—I acknowledged that I was uncomfortable. And that it was okay to leave early. So I stayed a while, chatted with family, and then politely exited. It wasn’t dramatic. It was self-care.

What Sobriety Taught Me About Myself

Two big things I’ve learned since getting sober:

1. Who my real friends are. The ones who left when I stopped drinking? They weren’t friends. They were party buddies. The people who stuck around or showed up later? They like me for me.

2. What I actually like about myself. I like sober Heather. I like being dependable. I like cooking big meals, recommending great books, and showing up for the people I love. I’m fun, I’m kind, and I’m real—and none of those things require alcohol.

So when you walk into that next social event and feel the pull of the drink, remind yourself:

You are not boring. You are not missing out. You are growing.

And that, my friend, is something to celebrate.